Mayyit Manners

 

A funeral (mayyit) has become so sad to attend nowadays. While IT IS a sad, painful, emotional time for family, we the community just make it more sad. 

Unfortunately, mayyits today are attended for other reasons. 

The sole object intention of going to a mayyit should be 

💭to think, reflect and ponder that ONE DAY ITS MY TURN. I will be lying in a kafn. AM I READY?   

💭to make dua that Allah grant you an honorable death in the best of conditions when Allah is happy with

💭to offer your deepest condolences to the bereaved 

💭to read yaseen shareef, quraan, zikr while at the mayyit home 

💭 to be quiet, respectful to the mayyit and the people in the home 

We need to ask ourselves 

WHY ARE WE ATTENDING A MAYYIT? 

Is it because we want  

💭to dress up and meet old friends and family 

💭to eat a good meal and have tea 

💭 to gossip about the details of the mayyit

💭to make it difficult for the immediate family and occupy space around the home

This time, for the closest  family is such a tough time and if we are going with the incorrect intentions we just make it HARDER ON THE BEREAVED FAMILY. 

Each and everyone of us have a duty to our family and friends but there are etiquettes that need to be observed

❗It is a good idea for the family to make arrangement for the men of the home to be based at the musjid. This helps in many ways, Firstly there is no intermingling when ladies are dropped off. Men tend to WANT to stand where ladies are entering. Secondly, If they are based in the closest musjid then the men can read esaale sawaab for the marhoom, instead of wasting time talking.If the musjid is not close by, then allocate a place in the home the garage etc and seat themselves there. Have yaseen shareef and quraans for the men as well. They too can read. This is the purpose of your coming for the mayyit.  

❗ Arrangements for quraans and yaseen kitaabs  for the men should be made, so that the men are not loitering around the ladies doing nothing. 

❗Make your intentions of why you are going. While you are seated there, keep your intentions at the back your mind. At all times focus on your intention, so you do not get distracted and divert yourself with wrong actions. 

❗When you get to the home, seat yourself as soon as you can at the nearest place possible. Dnt try to get to the room where the janaaza is kept, UNLESS you are mahram to the marhoom. Do not cause a commotion by hopping all over the place to get to the front. 

❗Sit amongst people you dnt know, so you can busy yourself in reading and sending esaale sawaab. There's enough reading to do. Focus on that and you will not get busy on talking. 

❗You DO NOT need to see the marhooms face, unless you are mahram or close family. Even if it is uncovered, sit quietly and dnt force yourself to see the marhoom. Remember them as they were when they were alive. 

❗At mayyits, the amount of talking that takes place in unbelievable. It is total disrespect to the marhoom and the family. You DO NOT need to know details of the death. It has nothing to do with you. The to and fro details that takes place  between everyone is so despicable. Even if you know something keep quiet. 

❗DO NOT engage in a conversation with anyone sitting there. Rather ask them to be quiet. The best solution to stop this, is to have someone pass yaseen kitaabs or quraans to people that come in or while they are seated. In this way chatting will not take place. 

❗If you reside in the town and are NOT CLOSE friends or family, neighbours and you are able to visit within the 3 days of ta'ziyat then don't go on the day of the mayyit, especially if it is a small home. Give the close family and  friends a chance to be there. You can read at home and come to visit after the janaaza is taken away.  

❗Once the janaaza is taken, try not to wake up and rush to overcrowd the family. Give them space and allow the closest people near them. You can greet and console them a little later. Busy yourself in yaseen shareef and dua for the marhoom. 

❗Food becomes an issue at mayyit homes. Generally, people that come from far away towns are catered for and arrangements are made for meals. If you are able to go home and eat then do so, unless you are CLOSE family or friends do not burden the family by staying. 

❗If you are able to, then prepare meals, help set the table, serve the food, clear up after eating, as soon as possible and get everyone settled down and reading again asap. Label your dishes well and if you can take your dishes away when you leave. 

❗Remember, it is not a wedding home to engage in unnecessary chit chat. We have to eat, but do it with the least amount of noise and chaos. 

❗Town ladies that attend  and can go home for wuzu, eating and toilet then try to go home and come back again. Try not to overcrowd the already crowded home. You can go home to freshen up and come back.  

❗Mums with children. This is a painful and grieving time for the marhooms family. DO NOT impose on them by coming with your children and making it a merry party and occupying space all over the house with nappy bags, prams and car seats.YES, if you are close family then by all means go, but respect the home and the people. Leave your children by someone while you go. Children DO NOT need to attend the mayyit.

❗Try and keep your wuzu so the bathrooms do not get crowded. If you need to make wuzu make your way to the bathroom before the rush. Also, take note of the cleanliness of the bathroom. Inform someone from the family if the bathroom needs towels or toilet rolls.   

❗If it is a late night janaaza, try and leave at your soonest . It was a hectic, painful day for the family. DO not over burden the family by staying too late, unless you are CLOSE family.